Our habituated human way of being can cause our fears, anxieties and insecurities to run a continuous loop in our brains and cause a lot of suffering. I affectionately call these parts of myself my monkeys. They can wreak havoc, jumping on the bed, swinging from the chandeliers, bouncing off the walls and generally destroying the place.
What I’ve observed is that the amount of suffering that we experience is directly proportional to the amount of resistance that we have to our fears. When we experience something painful and when we get triggered, our human response is to try to blame or to resolve a situation by trying to control it outside of ourselves. This is essentially what it means to be a victim, which is trying to get energy from other people. We pretty much have to go through victim mentality before we can realize that it does not serve us. When we understand that being a victim gives away our power to free ourselves from suffering, we can choose to take our power back by offering ourselves what it is we were wanting from outside sources.
This is the mystery: we get to CHOOSE how long we suffer, but that choice is not apparent us when we are suffering.
I’m tired of my monkeys running the show that is my life. I’m no longer interested in giving away my power by being a victim nor in resisting these parts of myself that want my love and attention. I choose instead to practice holding space for my fears and offering compassionate presence. In this way, my Highest Self, my Divine nature is in control.
Over time, I’ve developed the practice of holding space for myself, and I am experiencing new levels of freedom. I begin by being aware of what is here now. I then acknowledge fear’s (or whatever is here) presence, and allow it to be seen, felt and heard without judgment of anything that it has to say. In this critical step, if I only give voice to my fear without holding the fear in my nonjudgmental presence, then the fear will be in control. This part of the process is not painful if I offer complete acceptance of my fear. But if I resist it and want it to go away as soon as possible, I SUFFER. After fear has its say, which usually includes some crying and anger, I hold it with my breath and sometimes physically with my arms. And I begin to AUDIBLY speak to these parts of myself. (Speaking out loud is important because these parts of myself can be very loud, and it’s difficult to hear the quiet still voice of my soul trying to encourage it.):
“I’m so sorry. That really sucks! You don’t deserve this. All feelings are valid and welcome here. You may stay as long as you wish. I AM here for you. I love and accept you, Fear, exactly as you are. I want to thank you for working so hard to protect me, help me survive and for trying to help me get what you think I need and want. You have suffered so much on my behalf. You have endured so much, and I want you to know that you can rest now. I AM here now, and I will never abandon you. I got this! You can trust me. Everything’s going to be OK. I love you.”