Lately I’ve noticed that even though I live with me, I haven’t always acknowledged my presence, at least not ALL of me. For a long time, I have lived with the person whom I thought I SHOULD be. I have basically overlooked, ignored, even denied parts of me. My practice has been to face my fears. So, I have decided to face ME and all those parts of me that I may have neglected or been afraid of. Most of my life, I have lived as a perfectionist. I say that not as something to be proud of, only to note that I do a pretty good job at judging myself- and harshly at that! I have been exploring what would life be like for me if I learned not to judge myself. Instead, I am learning to be self-aware, to allow myself to BE, to be kind to myself, to LOVE MYSELF COMPLETELY, the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful, and finally to ACCEPT myself. I think I have had this notion that as I grow that my shadow side would vaporize…POOF! But I notice that I still have thoughts that aren’t very positive. I still notice feelings that are deemed by some to be unacceptable. I still make mistakes. I have come to realize that PERFECTION is NOT MY END GAME- my EVOLUTION IS.
These days I have been going inward, taking care of myself and noticing what’s inside of me. And I learning a lot! I am learning that “imperfection” can be beautiful. What is imperfection really? Just because something doesn’t turn out like we intended or doesn’t look like a culturally perceived idea of the norm, does that mean it is imperfect? I am learning to push some edges and challenge my thinking, my view of the world, my way of living. I am learning to BE STILL and BE WITH MYSELF. Notice I say “with” and not “by” and with good reason. Many people are afraid to be “by themselves” or “alone” because they are actually of afraid of themselves. We’ve been taught to judge and shun parts of ourselves, as if it is some cancer or worse, a demon. There’s a lot of freedom in loving ALL of me. I notice as I embrace and accept all of me, there is a synergy that flows between my light side and my dark side. I can see that my dark side is actually giving me opportunities to grow, for without conflict, growth is stifled. I am no longer afraid of being “with” myself. I am no longer afraid of myself. I LOVE ME. I am grateful for every aspect of my being working together to shape me into the masterpiece that I AM. When I look into my being, I see never-ending space, an expanse that rivals the largest ocean, the biggest galaxy, the entire universe. And it exists INSIDE OF ME! Inside this skin and these bones. Unbelievable! And even more incredible, it’s UNCONTAINABLE! It keeps spilling out everywhere from every part of my being. I see that I am LIGHT and LOVE. Even more beautiful, I can see it in YOU, too! WOW! No more words…because they cannot express THIS.