Excerpt from “On Being Love” by Denise Roussel
“I have been thinking about HURT and its role in our lives. I don’t like to be hurt, nor do I like to hurt anyone or anything, nor do I like to see anyone hurting. I think it’s safe to say that most people share the same sentiments. However, I continue to be hurt by others, and on occasion, despite my best intentions, I hurt others. Why?
What I’ve discovered is that hurt is life’s way of showing me parts of me that need my attention. If my stomach hurts, that’s a call for me to examine how I can give my body the care and attention it is requesting. Similarly, if someone says or does something hurtful, it points to something in me that needs my love and attention, like fear of not being enough, fear of being unwanted, fear of being manipulated.
Conversely, if someone says or does something disrespectful or rude, and I have already given those parts of me love and attention, what they say or do won’t bother me. It’s like water rolling off a duck’s back. I feel neutral, unruffled. That’s not to say I need to put myself in situations that invite or tolerate this behavior of others, only that it doesn’t have to hurt me if it does happen.
We are all doing the best we can with where we are. We all have our own unique set of challenges and fears to experience. When I appreciate that about myself and others, I don’t have to take things so personally. It allows me the chance to offer grace to myself and others along the way. Once again, I don’t advocate staying in abusive situations at all, only that I don’t have to hold onto offense.
I notice that despite my best intentions, I still cause hurt at times, and the same is true for others hurting me, even when they don’t mean to. I realize my goal is not to try to avoid being hurt or hurting. My goal is to INTUIT WHAT is APPROPRIATE in THIS MOMENT, (and that could change in 5 minutes). THIS REQUIRES PRESENCE! Being hurt or hurting in life is unavoidable. While I do my best to discern what is appropriate in this moment, if hurts arises, I can ALLOW that hurt to be a gateway for growth. So I continue this journey with grace, courage, presence, acceptance, compassion, gratitude and love as my guides, trusting they will lead us ALL home.”
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